Parenting behaviours even the best parents need to stop

As a parenting educator for more than 25 years, I’ve had many opportunities to observe and listen to parents in action. During this time I’ve learned some valuable lessons about raising children and managing families.

Usually, my advice is positive in that I try to focus on what you should being doing as a parent. Maintaining forward momentum has always been my aim. However it helps sometimes to be reminded of some of the behaviours we should stop or do less of, if we are to raise autonomous, emotionally-smart citizens of the future.

Here are some parenting behaviours you may consider stopping or doing less of, together with replacement behaviour as well:

Doing too much

Kids need to learn to fend for themselves and stand on their own two feet. Independence is the aim for parents. Learn to delegate.

Winning arguments

The need to win arguments and prove that you are right harms relationships and creates fertile ground for conflict. Focus on the things that matter.

Expecting too little

Expectations are tricky. Too high and kids can give up. Too low and kids will meet them. Pitch them at their own abilities and their developmental age.

Speaking when angry

Speaking tends to be a default mechanism regardless of your emotional state. When you’re angry kids don’t listen. They pick up your venom but not your words. Choose the time and the place to speak to kids.

Believing everything your children say

As loving parents we want to trust our children and believe everything they tell us. Children are faulty observers and frequently only see one side of an issue. Help children process what happens to them and see issues from every side.

After reviewing this list, for those of you who still aren’t sure what to stop, there is one habit that I’ve seen take precedence over all of the others. You may be part of the majority of people who partake in this bad habit. What is the number one problem of the successful parents I’ve worked with over the years? It is doing too much for their kids.